Dominican psychologist Ana Simó told a reader who discovered that her sister-in-law had spoken badly about her that forgiveness begins with taking responsibility for her own feelings, not with trying to understand why the other person betrayed her trust. Simó gave the advice in her Vida y Familia column, published in the Santo Domingo newspaper Diario Libre on September 11, 2026.
A Reader Asks About Forgiveness
The reader wrote to Simó explaining that she had found out her sister-in-law had spoken badly of her, leaving her with deep resentment. She said she felt intense rage and an urge to tell other people what she knew about her sister-in-law. She asked Simó whether she could forgive her and how to go about it.
Taking Responsibility for Your Own Feelings
Simó replied that forgiveness means taking responsibility for one's own feelings rather than spending time trying to understand why the other person acted the way they did, since nothing can be done to change what has already happened. She said a person should not remain trapped between anger and pain, adding that many people refuse to forgive because they believe it gives the other person permission to keep hurting them.
Setting Boundaries Instead of Holding Grudges
According to Simó, setting clear boundaries is essential. She said this could mean taking distance from the person involved and, if it helps, telling them directly what was learned and how painful the betrayal felt.
Simó explained that resentment is a feeling that can be useful for keeping distance from someone if it is temporary, but warned that if it takes root in a person's life, it will only end up harming them. She said resentment involves cultivating intense, destructive feelings that stop a person from seeing the good things they already have in their life.
She added that resentment feeds on doubt, assumptions and disappointment, but said only the person carrying it has the strength to stop feeding it. Simó said it is important to accept that not everyone will treat a person well, and stressed that resentment and forgiveness affect only the person who holds them, not the person who caused the original hurt.
Who Is Ana Simó
Ana Simó is a psychologist and sexual, family and couples therapist with a doctorate in sexuality. She directs the Centro Vida y Familia Ana Simó and writes a regular advice column on relationships and family life for Diario Libre, answering questions readers send in about conflicts like the one raised in this column.
