Daily Mail parliamentary sketchwriter Henry Deedes published a series of political commentaries from May to September 2023 targeting key British political figures in Westminster and observing holidaymaker behavior abroad.
Writing from the Greek island of Kefalonia on September 23, Deedes reported that European seaside resorts have fallen victim to British tourists using mobile phone speakerphones in public.
Tourist behavior in Greece
Deedes returned from a holiday on the Greek island of Kefalonia in the Ionian Sea, describing the location as "the stuff of postcards, or a thousand gloating Instagram posts" featuring turquoise sea, sand "white as fresh snow", and air "pungent with wild lavender". He noted that while the local wine possessed "a certain acidic charm", drinking more than half a carafe alongside evening souvlaki "may necessitate a double dose of aspirin the next morning".
However, Deedes reported that the island was suffering from a "very British menace" spreading across European holiday destinations. He clarified that the problem was not the "pink-bellied lager lout, scourge of the Mediterranean", but "mobile-phone morons who insist upon conducting their conversations on speakerphone".
House of Commons debates and Starmer
In Westminster, Deedes focused heavily on Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer during Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons. On July 19, Deedes wrote that Starmer was "smug in the Commons today", reporting that his "little smug-o-meter" shot into the red ("Wowzers") as soon as Starmer entered the chamber.
Deedes claimed Starmer was "radiating thermonuclear-level rays of smarminess" through his smile, slow walk, showy twirl before backbenchers, and a "little wink he shot toward the Speaker's chair". The House of Commons serves as the primary elected chamber of the Parliament of the United Kingdom, where party leaders engage in weekly debates.
Earlier that same day, Deedes covered former Prime Minister Tony Blair's "ludicrously titled 'Future of Britain' jamboree", which Blair established as an annual event. Deedes called the conference a "merry-go-round of smugness and self-importance" and noted that Starmer was the "star turn".
Deedes reported that Starmer "banged on and on as Tony Blair's eyes glazed over". He added that Starmer's willingness to "bend the knee before Blair" would anger Left-wing Labour MPs who were already "grinding their molars" over Starmer's decision to U-turn on child tax benefits.
Deputies battle at Prime Minister Questions
Deedes also covered exchanges involving deputy political leaders during Prime Minister's Questions. In July, Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey was described by Deedes as a figure who, upon entering a pub, "could empty the place of hardened tipplers at happy hour".
When Deputy Prime Minister Oliver Dowden and Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner stood in at the dispatch box in July, Deedes criticized the session. He wrote that Dowden, referred to as "Ollie", "reeled off a string of irrelevant witticisms with the comic timing of a dead moose" during the debate.
In earlier sessions between the two deputies, Deedes noted contrasting performances. In May, Dowden gave Rayner a "decent - not brilliant - run for her money", while in June, Dowden displayed the "proprietorial air of a hotel manager glad-handing guests at breakfast" while serving as "Sunak's No2".
Clashes between Sunak and Labour
Prime Minister Rishi Sunak's direct clashes with Starmer at PMQs drew further sharp commentary from Deedes in June. He wrote that Sunak and Starmer showed "about as much energy as two gin-soaked dowagers flailing about with a pair of battered wooden Slazengers".
Deedes compared Starmer to a "novice chess player" who "never seems to think more than one move ahead", arguing Starmer missed a "glorious chance to get one over Rishi at PMQs". He also remarked that Sunak "talking tough on immigration is like Mary Berry starring in a slasher film", referencing the gentle British television baker.
Beyond the main party leaders, Deedes observed other figures across Westminster in June. He reported seeing downcast Defence Secretary Ben Wallace who "delicately cradled his cranium as if it were an explosive device".
Deedes also covered proceedings outside standard debates. At the official UK Covid-19 inquiry, he noted an "eerie" atmosphere where voices were "not angry, just bewildered". During a debate on rewriting equality law, he described a nervous atmosphere where "no one smiled and it wasn't long before tempers began to fray".
Government ministers and media appearances
Deedes recorded several notable appearances by government ministers in May. During an interview on ITV's daytime show This Morning, presenter Alison Hammond asked Sunak if he was a fan of romantic novelist Jilly Cooper. Deedes reported that Sunak's "neck tightened like an oyster to a squirt of lemon" under questioning.
Former United States climate envoy John Kerry addressed the House of Commons on climate change in May. Deedes wrote that Kerry "rambled on in those grave tones" and had not lost his "yawn-inducing touch".
Home Secretary Suella Braverman attracted attention for both her attire and her speeches in May. Deedes noted she arrived at Home Office questions dressed in a color "as bold as Penelope Pitstop's" from the cartoon series Wacky Races. Later, during a leadership pitch, Braverman "stayed icily still" when her speech was "rudely interrupted by Extinction Rebellion" climate protesters.
Deedes also targeted financial leadership, attacking the "lofty chiefs of Threadneedle Street who refuse to admit they've been wrong about a single thing in their lives", referring to the Bank of England located in London's financial district. Meanwhile, Alex Chalk made his debut at Justice Questions after replacing Dominic Raab as Justice Secretary, with Deedes praising him as "slick and fluid as a can of Castrol GTX" motor oil and bringing a "classy injection of pizzazz" to the chamber.
