Psychotherapist Iryna Shenie has warned men to watch for five early relationship red flags during initial dates that reveal a partner's underlying expectations.
Speaking in a commentary for Ukrainian news agency UNIAN, Shenie explained that initial conversations often show whether a woman seeks a genuine relationship or simply wants someone to satisfy specific personal needs. She advised men to observe how a potential partner views them and to ask themselves how they feel around the person.
According to Shenie, a major warning sign arises when a man is treated as a set of functions rather than an individual personality. She noted that observing early behavioral patterns can help men avoid unhealthy dynamics built on unrealistic expectations.
Viewing a partner as a function
The first signal occurs when a woman shows little interest in a man's personality, feelings, or views, focusing instead on what he can provide. Shenie noted that during early conversations, some individuals speak extensively about their own demands while ignoring their partner's perspective.
Shenie explained that this behavior indicates a person is seeking a specific utility rather than a true partner. She cited the example of a man seeking a homemaker while a woman seeks a wallet, noting that such dynamics leave the actual person inside ignored.
She described this attitude as infantile because it relies on an external party to fulfill personal needs that an adult should manage independently. When a partner expects someone else to cover these basic needs, it signals an unaddressed personal void.
Demands and gender role expectations
The second warning sign involves building early communication around rigid demands. Shenie cautioned against situations where a woman repeatedly insists that a man must fulfill traditional provider obligations while refusing to take responsibility for her own life.
Shenie advised men not to accept this relationship structure. She warned that agreeing to such demands often creates a father and daughter dynamic where the man must constantly solve his partner's personal problems.
In these situations, the partner shifts everyday responsibilities onto the man instead of maintaining her own independence. Over time, this imbalance prevents the formation of an equal partnership.
Attitudes toward previous relationships
A third signal involves the way a woman discusses her previous romantic partners. Shenie advised men to pay close attention if a potential partner insults past exes, devalues them, or describes every former relationship in negative terms.
While not every failed relationship involves shared fault, total refusal to acknowledge any personal role in past breakups is a clear red flag. Shenie noted that unaddressed emotional trauma can prevent a person from recognizing the genuine care they received in past relationships.
She emphasized that men should focus not only on the stories themselves, but on how the woman explains the breakups and what level of personal responsibility she claims.
Expectations of total emotional reliance
The fourth red flag is the expectation that a man will become a woman's sole source of support in life. This occurs when a partner looks for one person to act simultaneously as a romantic partner, best friend, financial backer, and universal problem solver.
Shenie recommended checking whether a woman has abandoned her female friends, personal interests, or self care while waiting for a relationship. Relying entirely on a new partner to replace her entire social circle places an excessive burden on the relationship.
This degree of reliance frequently leads to severe emotional dependency. As a result, the partner may develop a high volume of ongoing grievances and demands toward the man.
Fixation on gifts and financial status
The fifth warning sign is an excessive focus on material wealth and financial status during early dates. Shenie highlighted cases where women talk constantly about wealthy past suitors, the attention they received, and expensive gifts given to them.
While remembering a valuable gift is normal, making material items or a partner's spending capacity the main topic of discussion indicates unreadiness for emotional intimacy. Shenie noted that such fixation shows a person may desire closeness but lacks the maturity for it.
She added that status fixation is not limited to women. Men display the same pattern when they brag repeatedly about dating former models, using past partners to project personal status.
Evaluating overall behavioral patterns
Shenie summarized that all five warning signs share a common core, which is that the man stops being seen as an individual and becomes a tool for satisfying another person's needs. However, she clarified that a single instance of these behaviors does not automatically mean a person cannot build a healthy relationship.
Instead, men should evaluate the overall pattern of behavior. Key factors include whether the woman takes responsibility for her life, maintains personal supports outside the relationship, and values her partner as a living person with distinct needs and feelings.
Expert background and media context
Iryna Shenie is a certified psychotherapist and practicing psychologist with six years of clinical experience. She frequently provides expert commentary on relationship dynamics and psychological health for Ukrainian national media outlets.
The commentary was published by UNIAN, a major Ukrainian news agency established in 1993 that provides nationwide coverage of social, political, and economic developments.
