Nearly half of people in a relationship find money one of the hardest topics to discuss, and one in six say it is forbidden territory altogether, according to new research from Creditspring.
The survey found that while 65 per cent of people believe couples should talk about money before moving in together, only 11 per cent actually did so themselves.
"Financial intimacy is not about handing over every bank statement on a first date," said Tamsin Powell of Creditspring, which carried out the research. "It is about making space to be truthful as the relationship becomes more serious, especially if money is tight, credit is involved or one person is carrying debt."
Discussing salaries can be particularly challenging. Four out of five couples raised the subject in the early stages of dating, while others waited until they moved in together or got engaged.
Some 41 per cent of those surveyed said financial compatibility matters as much as romantic compatibility to a successful relationship.
Five topics to discuss before moving in together
Powell suggested five subjects couples should raise before living together. The first is to talk about goals before focusing on salaries, asking what each partner wants money to help with, such as building savings, clearing debt, buying a home, travelling or having more breathing room each month. Shared direction matters more than matching incomes, she said.
The second is to start with the next shared decision rather than trying to cover every detail in one conversation, whether that is a holiday, moving in together, household bills or a major purchase.
The third is to agree what fair looks like, since an equal split is not always the fairest one if incomes, caring responsibilities or existing commitments differ.
The fourth is to treat honesty as the expectation rather than a confession. Debt, spending and credit use should not be treated as moral failings, Powell said, though hiding them can undermine trust. The aim is not perfection but clarity and an agreed plan.
The fifth is to seek support before pressure builds, exploring options early rather than waiting until a bill, holiday or shared cost becomes unmanageable.
What causes the most tension over money
Impulse purchases were cited by 18 per cent of respondents as a source of tension in a relationship, the survey found, a figure tied with lending money to friends or family. Disputes over bills and household costs followed closely at 17 per cent.
Some 15 per cent complained about one partner spending more than the other, while 12 per cent said they were discomfited by one partner being unable to afford plans the other wanted to do.
Creditspring also found that 18 per cent of people keep savings private or use credit without telling a partner, and 16 per cent hide personal debt, loans or borrowing. One in four said they had lied about the cost of a purchase or hidden a purchase from their partner.
Nearly two-thirds of people said they would be more concerned if a partner hid debt than if the partner simply had debt. Some 47 per cent of those polled think people pretend to be more financially comfortable than they really are when dating.
About the survey
Creditspring, which offers no-interest loans to members who pay a monthly fee, surveyed 2,000 people, weighted to be representative of the UK's adult population. Nearly 1,200 of them were currently in a relationship.
"Money is tied up with security and self-worth, so it is understandable that couples can put these conversations off," Powell said. "But debt or financial struggles do not automatically damage a relationship, what tends to cause the real harm is finding out that something has been hidden."
She added that people may want a partner to be honest about what they spend, whether they can afford a plan, or whether they are using credit, but fear of judgment, embarrassment and the pressure to appear financially secure can make it easier to postpone the conversation than start it.
