Grief: understand what the stages are and how to deal with losses

Going through the pain of grief involves many emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They are known to be the phases of this experience, which begins when you lose someone.

Despite being an individual and unique experience — and the way we deal with it — it has a significant impact on the lives of the people involved and on family and social dynamics.

But how long does this feeling last? How to deal with grief? And how to recognize these signs of grief? Understand better below.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural and multifaceted process that involves the experience of dealing with the loss of someone or something significant in a person’s life. It is a natural and inevitable emotional response to the loss of something.

And this can go beyond people: it can occur in other situations, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, changes in physical or mental health, and other major life transitions.

Its meaning transcends sadness, as it encompasses a wide range of emotions and reactions, such as sadness, anger, denial and acceptance, which can vary in intensity and duration.

These feelings may alternate, overlap, or occur at different times.

The pain of grief varies from person to person and can be influenced by factors such as culture, religious beliefs, family history and personality.

Therefore, a unique journey, which each individual faces differently, but which is essential for the healing process and readaptation to the new reality after the loss.

What are the stages of grief?

Unlike what is imagined, the stages of grief are not linear and these 5 stages do not need to happen in just one order. Denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance depression can appear at different times.

Denial

Denial is an instinctive response to the pain and shock of loss. In this phase, the person creates a temporary barrier to protect himself from the overwhelming emotional impact.

Denial allows time to process the news and prepare to deal with reality. It can be manifested through thoughts like “this can’t be happening” or “there must be some mistake”.

Over time, this denial begins to fade, giving way to other emotions.

However, if the denial goes on too long, it could be a sign that the person is having a hard time coping with the loss and may need additional support to move on.

Anger

Anger arises when the person begins to accept the reality of the loss and feels wronged or betrayed. This emotion can be directed to other people, such as family members, friends, doctors or even those who left.

At this stage, it is common to hear questions like “why did this happen to me?” or “it’s not fair”. It’s important to allow yourself to feel angry and express it in healthy ways, such as through conversation, writing, or physical activity.

What matters is not letting anger turn into resentment, as this can hinder the emotional healing process.

Bargain

The bargaining phase is marked by an intense desire to reverse or ease the pain of loss. The person may make promises to himself, God, or other higher powers in the hope that this will ease the pain.

For example, the person might think, “If I’m a better person, maybe this wouldn’t have happened” or “If I change my behavior, I can prevent further losses from occurring.”

This phase reflects the desperate search for some control over the situation, but it is important to recognize that not all circumstances are within our control. As the person advances in the process, the need to bargain tends to decrease.

Depression

Depression is a natural response to loss, and it is the time when a person really feels the weight of absence.

It is that moment when the reality of the loss is fully felt, and the person can experience deep sadness, discouragement and lack of interest in daily activities.

This can manifest itself through changes in appetite, sleep and concentration. At this stage, it is essential to seek emotional support and, if necessary, professional follow-up, to face the pain and prevent the worsening of symptoms.

Acceptance

Regardless of the previous order, acceptance is the final stage of grief, in which the person begins to adapt to the new reality without the presence of the loved one.

It does not mean that the person has forgotten or completely overcome the loss, but rather that they are learning to live with it.

The person may begin to find new interests, set new goals, and create other bonds. Acceptance is an ongoing process, and the person may fluctuate between stages before finally finding the peace and resilience to move forward.

How long does the mourning period last?

The period of mourning is a unique experience. This means that how long it lasts will vary depending on factors such as the relationship with the loved one, the nature of the loss and the emotional support available.

There is no specific deadline for the end, and it is essential to respect the time that each one takes to process and deal with the loss.

Some people may start to feel better within weeks or months, while others may take years to find the acceptance and peace they need to move forward.

It is important to remember that this is not a linear process, and it is normal for a person to fluctuate between different emotions and phases over time. The key is to allow yourself to experience at your own pace and seek support when needed.

How to deal with grief?

Some approaches can help overcome this difficult phase. Here are some suggestions for coping with grief in a healthy way.

• allow yourself to feel : Facing and acknowledging emotions is a crucial step in overcoming them. Allow yourself to experience the pain, sadness and any emotions that may arise during this time;
• seek support : Sharing your experiences and emotions with friends, family, or support groups can help ease the emotional burden. Mental health professionals can also be helpful, particularly if the pain becomes unbearable;
• take care of yourself : Maintaining healthy habits, such as a balanced diet, physical activity and adequate sleep, is essential for coping with grief. Also, seek relaxing and pleasurable activities such as meditation, yoga or hobbies;
• establish a routine : Having a routine can help create stability and security in times of uncertainty and sadness;
• honor the memory of the loved one : find meaningful ways to keep the loved one’s memory alive, such as creating a memorial, participating in activities the person enjoyed, or even honoring on All Souls’ Day;
• be patient : Accept that the process takes time and is a unique journey for each person. Allow yourself to experience the different phases and understand that recovery is not linear.

What are the symptoms of grief pain?

The pain of grief is a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one and can manifest itself in different ways. Symptoms vary from person to person and can change throughout the grieving period.

Here are some signs of grief that can help identify if someone is going through this experience:

• sadness and crying : sadness is one of the most common symptoms. It’s normal to feel sad and cry in moments of loss;
• anger : it can manifest itself as frustration, irritation or even hostility, directed at oneself, others or even the person who died;
• fault : it’s common to feel guilty for believing you didn’t do something different, for not spending more time with the person or for unexpressed feelings;
• anxiety : this pain can cause anxiety, worry and even panic attacks in some cases;
• sleep problems : disturbances such as insomnia, restless sleep or nightmares, are common signs of grief;
• changes in appetite : loss of appetite or overeating can be a symptom;
• difficulty concentrating : the person in this situation may have problems concentrating, making decisions or remembering things, as they only think about the loss;
• physical symptoms : Headache, fatigue, muscle aches and stomach problems can be signs.

When does grief require professional help?

While this is a natural process and many people manage to deal with the pain on their own, in some cases professional help may be necessary.

Keep an eye out for the following signs that may indicate it’s time to seek expert support.

• intensity of symptoms : if the symptoms become unbearable, interfering with the ability to carry out daily activities and significantly affecting the quality of life, it may be necessary to seek help;
• duration of mourning : the period varies for each person, but if the pain lasts for months or years without showing signs of improvement, it is important to consider the possibility of looking for a professional;
• health problems : if it is affecting physical and mental health, causing symptoms such as insomnia, significant weight loss or gain and concentration problems, it may be necessary to turn to a professional;
• impact at work : if it is affecting performance at work and compromising personal and professional development, seeking support may be necessary.

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