Goodbye to Rita de Santis, mother activist for Lgbtqia+ rights

“Our Rita de Santis, President of AGeDO Nazionale from 2007 to 2013, left us after a brief illness that left no way out for his vitality and energy». With these words Fiorenzo Gimelli, current president of the Association that brings together the association of parents, relatives and friends of people Lgbtqia+announced the death of the 85-year-old activist.

«To the family and to the many who loved her, the deepest condolences from all of us», the note continues, «Until the end she was an indomitable, curious, passionate fighter with many social and cultural interests and that many of us remember for the empathy and example that never failed. May the earth be light to her in the certainty that her journey has left its mark on many and that we will continue the common battles with the same conviction”.

Rita De Santis had chosen the path of activism after coming out, with a letter found on a table at home, from her son. “My son had confessed to me that he was gay and I could not afford disorientation, mother’s love gave me no escape”. Again in 2015 he said: «33 years have passed since my son came out, and even if homosexuality is no longer a taboo and if he speaks more, the prejudices against gays, lesbians and transsexuals have certainly not fade away”.

Throughout his life he fought against prejudice and for the affirmation of rights. TO Brescia Today he said: “I feel like the mother and teacher of all the LGBT people in Italy. I assume a responsibility towards them and I also ask the rest of society to do so: 6 million people cannot be relegated to a concentration camp. Because this is how gays, lesbians and heterosexuals live in Italy. They are protected neither by the school, nor by the State, nor by the Church and often not even by the family. They have the same duties, but not equal rights. The discovery of one’s gender identity and sexual orientation takes place in a delicate phase, that of adolescence and often kids find themselves facing everything on their own. As they do not take part in courtships to mates of the opposite sex they are excluded or laughed at. Teachers do not have the skills and knowledge to help them and parents very often do not suspect anything. They live in a vortex of loneliness and isolation for a long time and those who are not strong enough come to think of taking their own lives and in some even to do so”.

His whole life was marked by struggle and independence. The Espresso tells his story. «I had five children, one a few months old, the others seven, eleven, twelve, fifteen. I asked the separation judge that the children should all be entrusted to one spouse. My husband didn’t want them. And so I became the head of a family of five males». Of Molise origins, his children were born in Calabria, Abruzzo and Campania. After the divorce and the move to the North, in Brescia he taught philosophy all his life.

On the eve of her eighteenth birthday, Francesco, her third-born son, wrote her a coming-out letter. “I fell in love with Denis, I’m afraid that this will divide me from my brothers, that they may not understand». At first she doesn’t understand either and then she realizes that Denis is a boy. «We always talked about everything and I didn’t notice anything, I didn’t have any intuition. But where was I while my son was in pain? I reflect again. Society does not educate us. For us, children are all straight, until homosexuality affects us directly. Then we call them different. But there is no diversity, no enormity. It’s love and that’s it.”

In London Francesco meets Robert. «Everyone had a place in my family, even my stepfather, Robert, on the other hand, didn’t have a name, other than his first name. And from here arises a lack. If you are not nameable, you do not exist in society. Not so much in the relationship as a couple, but in the wider family which is already a company. So I called him in front of everyone: my son-in-law». It will also be the title of his book, Il nuoro, published after the separation between the two men, but also by Robert’s express will.

In Milan the meeting with Paula Dall’Orto founder of AGeDO and entry into the association also creating international relationships. Rita De Santis met the President of the Republic Giorgio Napolitano and that of the Chamber Gianfranco Fini. she clashed with Silvio Berlusconi after one of his homophobic jokes. «I have a gay son and I am proud of him and like me many parents are, in defiance of his statements and the consensus he enjoys with some parliamentarians and with a part of the Holy Mother Church. I hope that enlightened Europe that has made gays a source of pride knows how to sanction you while I can only try to never get you re-elected again”.

Arcigay he mentions it in a note. «Rita was a generous, energetic, stubborn woman, a pillar that always made us feel strong, in our infinite fragility. You leave us a lot of things, dear Rita, all of them precious, and the commitment to continue along the road that we have begun to trace together without hesitation. You will be missed so much, we already feel it now ».