«You can’t put anger aside when there isn’t any anger. There is pain. And you can turn it into something positive just going through it, not avoiding it». Gino Cecchettin, father of Giulia Cecchettin, to the journalists’ microphones Italian stories on Rai Uno, he speaks with a composed but broken voice. What transpires is a great painsure, but worn with dignity of those who have already been in a company for a long time process of understanding and acceptance of what happened to him and is happening around him.
Pressed by colleagues on whether he felt like leaving a message for Filippo, he only said: «I don’t know if I will be able to forgive Filippo, it will be difficult, not even Jesus forgave his executioners, he asked God to do it. I just hope he realizes what he did, and maybe one day he can give messages to other people who might have the same difficulties.”
Adding a thought for his parents: «I give his parents a big hug because maybe I’ll smile again, they’ll struggle a lot more, therefore they have all my understanding and support.” Mr Cecchettin is surprising: he says the complete opposite of what the majority of public opinion perhaps expected – or desired – to hear coming out of his mouth. But there is no hatred or rancor in his words, only the need to understand what could have driven a human being to act like that.
«This father he is already in a process of forgivenesswhich is nothing more than that gift to the nth degree: even in his speech at his daughter’s funeral he concluded by hoping that the young woman’s death may produce “its fruit of love, forgiveness and peace”», this is how he comments on the example that Gino Cecchettin is giving Daniel Lumeranatural biologist, research fellow in the sociology of cultural and communicative processes, teacher and international reference in the area of well-being sciences, quality of life and the practice of meditation. Above all, a promoter of forgiveness as force capable of freeing the individual from the yoke of sufferingthus freeing others too, and leading to awareness necessary to be a seed of good in society.
Gino Cecchettin is a seed of good, then?
«This man is a example for profound wisdom that moves his every gesture and his every word. Even when you said that it won’t be so much important when and if he manages to forgive Filippo or not, but rather when Philip himself will forgive himself for what he did: this is revolutionary. This man says he doesn’t know if he will forgive, but in reality he is already inside a path of profound awareness of pain: in fact, it is worth underlining that Forgiveness is not a punctual act, but a journey made up of very specific stages, which presuppose the knowing how to stay in pain, look him in the face, welcome him.”
What else is not forgiveness? Can you help us clarify?
«Forgiving does not mean justifying what the other person did, but understand the profound reasons that pushed the other to act like that. This man is showing that he knows how or at least wants to try empathize with the pain: he does not justify Philip’s jealousy, attachment, fear – he also reiterated this in his speech at Giulia’s funeral, reading Gibran’s poetry -, but tries to put himself in the other’s shoes, welcoming without judgement.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting: Gino never could, I guess, but I think he’s trying to relive the memory of his daughter, emptying him of anger and resentment. This allows him and will allow him to do so May your daughter’s death not be in vain, don’t fall into oblivion, but what may it become a gift for many and many, for everyone. This is what forgiveness does: it is a gift for others.
Forgiving is not an act of cowardice or weakness, but rather of great courage: this man is totally in her heart, he lives there consciously. He speaks, he acts with heart. Welcoming the pain is allowing him to transform it into something fruitful.”
The famous saying «turn the other cheek», therefore…
«Be careful, I don’t want this to become misleading: for me, turning the other cheek as a Christian has nothing to do with showing oneself defenseless and exposed to harassment or violence, no. For me, it’s the show the other side of yourself, do not react to hatred with more hatred, to violence with more violence, to anger with more anger, but the be aware of your painand precisely for this reason not wanting to add more, but accepting the challenge of understanding the other.”
A masculine who explores and therefore shows his feminine side…
«Exactly, Gino Cecchettin she’s behaving like a mother should, He’s doing her more understanding feminine side emerges, more welcoming, more devoted to care and kindness. Just as I would not forget the other father involved in the affair, Nicola Turetta: he too is trying to understand what happened to his son, showing his vulnerability, his disorientation, his utter displeasure in the face of what happened. These two fathers, antithetical in the story, but unexpectedly close, they are the exact opposite of the patriarchal model we are used to. In both I see a desire to recognize each other’s pain and respect it, offering mutual support. Why what clouds reason is not the pain itself, but the judgment of suffering: we do not admit that we can be fragile, that we have failed. And yet it’s all there, the acceptance of the evidence.”
Why do you think this feminicide shocked public opinion more than others?
«More than the murder itself, it was the subsequent reaction: the murder brought the crime to the fore once again culture of patriarchy of which this society is imbued, but the response of these men, in particular of Gino Cecchettin, has put the spotlight on a whole new way of experiencing pain. It is well known: we have been educated to possess, to greed. The houses, the things, the people… Everything is mine. It is a process that has affected the educational and economic system for centuries and centuries. The reaction of Gino and his family presented us with a new way of reading what happened, pushed us to do a great examination of conscience, everyone, everyone, no one excluded. How are we raising our children? How do I behave towards others? Do I love myself enough to feel good in my own company? And if it happened to me, would I have the strength of this father? He activated the awareness in us that a healthy society based on respect, compassion, welcome and care is everyone’s responsibility. However, this is built by probing the deeper reasons that push us to act: How much do we know how to be human in our being human beings?».
Awareness: what an important word. Everyone talks about it today, but do we really know what it is, in your opinion?
«There is still little awareness of awareness. Awareness means knowing with, including the other in my process of knowing. Gino Cecchettin never excluded his other two parents from his pain, he never made it a personal issue. I must include the other in my identity: we are all contiguous at heart, united in a single energy. The work I do on myself in terms of well-being, both physical and above all psychological, is work that everyone can benefit from.
Because of this, It is essential to start asking the right questions now: what added value does my presence in this life bring? What am I doing for myself and others? What’s stopping me from doing more? What example do I set for my children or peers?
Educate in feminine values it is the starting point: presence, gratitude, kindness, care, listening, empathy, kindness, forgiveness… Working on these means bringing out the most authentic masculine, which is present in each of us, male or female, however to be able to become true points of reference, equipped with a solid presence and wise action. Let’s look into history at Nelson Mandela, let’s look today at this father who is doing his best not to succumb to the pain, but to give a renewed meaning to his existence».
Daniel Lumera: «Spiritual intelligence is what will differentiate us from robots»
The resuscitation doctor Stefano Manera: «Be wary of empathy, practice compassion»
Source: Vanity Fair
I’m Susan Karen, a professional writer and editor at World Stock Market. I specialize in Entertainment news, writing stories that keep readers informed on all the latest developments in the industry. With over five years of experience in creating engaging content and copywriting for various media outlets, I have grown to become an invaluable asset to any team.
