From the album of happiness 21

This article is published in number 10 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until March 9, 2021

Don’t be hard on yourself, honey. You must not. I too go digging in the mine of joy every morning.
The mine of joy?
If I’m not mistaken, there is a substance that the body stops producing at our age. Dopamine? Serotonin? You should know that. You are the specialist. It seems that up to forty, happiness is taken for granted. After that it must be extracted. It must be found.
Wow.
Once I was in a real mine, in Bolivia, underground, there the miners constantly chew coca leaves, with each bite a little cocaine enters the bloodstream.

Are you looking for your panty?
A-ha.
I think it’s under the covers. Better if we hurry. Here you pay by the hour. And on the weekend it becomes an Escape Room. Hey, why that tear?
I was expecting something different. I do not know. Maybe more cuddles? I can’t get rid of the thought that another couple is on this bed – I bet if we look in the garbage we find a condom, how ugly. Yes I know it’s a crazy idea.
Stop for a moment. Look into my eyes. I had a great time with you. Really. If they weren’t waiting for me at home, I’d keep the room and stay a whole day.
But what are they doing with the bed, for example? When the room becomes an Escape Room – what can the bed become?
Who knows. Maybe a rowboat.
A rowboat with which …
To escape.
We took a boat like that once, you know? During a family vacation in Crete. We went out into the open sea and suddenly a very strong wind began to blow from the east. Waves as high as a three-story building that took us further and further away from the shore. The children were terrified. My husband and I rowed with all our energy. In the meantime we tried to call for help with the phone. But there was no field. Until a giant wave overturned us. We went overboard. All four.
Wow.
Luckily we had insisted that they wear safety vests. And a minute later a speedboat came by and picked us up. But after it was all over, after we got back to the room and the kids calmed down, I lay wide-eyed on the hotel bed thinking, what if we really drowned? What if it was the end? So I got out of bed, opened the laptop quietly, so as not to wake him, and I sent you an email. I must be honest? I didn’t think you answered.
Of course yes. I’ve been waiting for that email for… how long… five years?
I felt like I had put a message in a bottle that probably wouldn’t get to any beach.
She has arrived. It has arrived and how. My heart pounded the day I read your email, and it still hasn’t gone by.
Really?
Really.
I’m sorry if I’m suddenly so heavy… I’m just a little bit… tired. Also because of my mother. I didn’t tell you. Are you okay if I put my head on your shoulder for a moment?
Sure.
Weren’t they waiting for you at home?
Let them wait as well. Nothing serious.
Now my sister is there to keep her company, she takes a shift. My father hasn’t spoken to my mother for thirty years now. Ever since he found out that she. With the neighbor. Yes, I look more and more like her. People tell me and I reply, it’s a compliment. But I’m scared all the same. I wish I could believe that free will is given to me. That my fate is not sealed.
Don’t be hard on yourself, honey. Really. You must not. Everyone goes to dig in the mine of joy every morning.

(Translation by Raffaella Scardi)

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