“We are Mavie’s parents and this is the reason for our bond.” With this phrase, in an Instagram story, the model Bruna Biancardi he made it known that he had ended his relationship with the Brazilian player Neymar to which she was linked since 2022.
The two broke up just over a month after the birth of their daughter. A piece of gossip that has little to do with gossip because it raises several questions.
Becoming a parent is scary. A change and a gamble that is most often faced with irrationality. Even in the movie Immature, when uncertain whether or not to have a child, Raoul Bova says “children are made with the belly”. Children are made of and with their bellies, in fact. Doing them “with your head” can bring too many questions and fears into play. But there are those who do them instinctively and those who think about them for a long time. This is an unjustifiable choice.
Whatever the push, the result is sometimes not what was hoped for. And the moment that fruit of love, the child, is born, couples break up. We explored the topic in depth with Clarissa CavallinaSystemic Relational Psychotherapist.
How can it happen that you break up a month after the birth of a child?
«Parenthood is a fascinating adventure but it is a great transition for a couple that works to the extent that they manage to build the feeling of belonging to the same team. It includes great satisfaction but also intense work and strong uncertainty because it is made up of continuous changes to face and new balances to build. When a couple opens up to generativity, therefore to the responsibility of caring for a third, one must take into account that one can go through a crisis understood as a transitory (and physiological) phase of readjustment driven by new needs and new tools and roles to be developed and agreed upon in order to function in harmony… a phase that can destabilize the partners and that not everyone can handle.”
They had been together since 2022: perhaps too little relationship time for such an important choice?
«In the first period of a couple’s relationship, the partners usually experience a phase of fusional adoration and idealization, subsequently it is necessary to also deal with a dimension of imperfection and therefore with disappointment. There is no other half of the apple that completes us: life as a couple goes forward if you invest great energy in doing so and if you have the ability to truly take into consideration the value of your own experiences and those of your partner. You can get stuck in the circle of disappointment or you can manage to reach disillusionment and access tenderness for the other, but it takes both individual and couple solidity. If you are faced with the challenge of parenthood when the couple has never managed a real change, a crisis, a great difficulty together, this can be a gamble to make… a game of chance. Having already gone through disappointments, having overcome them and then finding oneself again can give that internal feeling of confidence in the couple’s possibilities even when experiencing the difficulties of parenthood, when you hesitate you know that you will make it because it has already been like this.”
What are the protective factors to overcome the difficulties of change due to parenthood?
«Have a solid bond. Which is made from memories: what have we done for each other? What moments make this relationship important? Why did we choose each other? What made our couple unique? Why did I believe it so much at that moment? These are fundamental questions that the couple must have had the time and care to answer fully in the first phase of establishing the pact to make the bond solid: not a thread that falls apart immediately if you pull it, but a thick rope that is difficult to break and that is ready to face changes”.
How can a crisis be avoided?
«We couple therapists say that we understand a lot about a couple when they argue or are in crisis. Meanwhile, the couple must be able to have conflicts and access the crisis… it is not a given. Some couples enter very long states of stalemate, a sort of protective blocks that arise from the fear of facing the crisis. Crisis is life, if a couple wants to survive time they must open up to this possibility because just as partners change over time the couple must also change by renegotiating the initial pact to readjust it to new needs. The crisis is an opportunity.”
Source: Vanity Fair
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