Billie Eilish and Porn: Experts Ask Parents to Talk About Sex with Children

Having access to pornography only in magazines and video stores is a thing of the past. Today, Internet and cable television services make pornographic content available to almost anyone. A lot of pornography on the internet is available for free, and some Japanese comic books and anime have incorporated pornographic or near-pornographic images and plots.

In the cyber age, pornography is easily accessible online for teenagers. In fact, most pornography today is accessed over the Internet, according to a 2016 meta-analysis published in The Journal of Sex Research.

Teens who viewed explicit and violent pornography were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive than those who were not exposed to such content, according to a 2011 study cited by a 2012 research review. earlier and earlier as they are seeing more than their parents. Pornography, however, is not a substitute for open and honest sex education.

That was the consensus among some psychologists and educators last week after singer Billie Eilish’s brutally honest — and heartbreaking — comments about exposure to porn at a young age.

In a guest appearance on SiriusXM’s “The Howard Stern Show” radio show, Eilish said she started watching pornography around age 11. “It really wrecked my brain,” he said, adding that the visibly violent images gave him nightmares and sleep paralysis.

“The first few times I had sex, I didn’t say no to things that weren’t good. And it was because I thought that was what should attract me,” said Eilish, who turned 20 on December 18th. Eilish went on to say that he “didn’t understand why this was a bad thing” and that “I thought this was how we learned how to have sex.” When she told her mother, the woman would have been horrified at the idea that her daughter was learning about sex in this way.

Her comments about being “traumatized” were a painful reminder of how pornography and other sexualized media can impact young adults in today’s world, sex educators told CNN.

Emily Rothman, chair of Boston University’s occupational therapy department, who is also a professor of pediatrics and medicine, said the artist’s comments serve as a wake-up call for parents and other trusted adults to play a more active role in children’s lives. kids.

“Having a conversation with young people about what they saw, when, where and how often can be very helpful in trying to prevent future incidents and answering their questions,” advised Professor Rothman, who teaches and researches on sex, sexuality and gender. and provided violence-related advice to state public health departments and domestic violence program coalitions.

“We need to do more to prevent young people from seeing sexually explicit media. And since, no matter what we do, some of them will see it anyway, we also need to give all young people information and education about the fact that pornography is not an instruction manual on how to have sex.”

Easy access

Eilish described what she was watching as “abusive pornography”, portraying violence against women “without consent”. What’s more, their experiences may be more common than most adults admit.

Pornography “is available all the time on the internet and even as parents put up blocking apps, kids are finding ways to access it,” said Michael Robb, senior director of research at Common Sense Media, a nonprofit with San Francisco based that publishes entertainment and technology recommendations for families. “Whether they’re looking for it themselves or unwittingly accessing it through friends or older siblings, pornography is there.”

There isn’t a lot of credible and recent research on the intersection of teenagers and pornography, according to Robb. It is an area that researchers have difficulty studying for ethical reasons and lack of participation. In addition, Robb reviews studies of children and pornography, and says that many of these efforts have had questionable methodologies.

For Robb, the most reliable data out there suggest that Eilish’s experiences are typical among teenagers. One he often cites is a 2017 survey of 1,001 young people and children in the UK that indicated that 28% of 11-12 year olds reported having seen pornography, up to 65% among 15-16 year olds. . Robb said those numbers are likely higher now because of the increased use of screens during the Covid-19 pandemic.

all about education

Of course, as Rothman suggested, the real issue behind most conversations about pornography is education.

Teens and preteens watch the material as Eilish did and think it’s real life, laying the groundwork for a distorted reality and associated problems in the future, according to David Ley, clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Ley added that the real disconnect comes with what pornography doesn’t show.

“Healthy sexual interactions require negotiation, consent, honesty, self-control and respect”, he enumerated. “Most pornography skips all that, and without the proper context, kids who are curious and watching won’t understand how important all these issues are to healthy sexual relationships.”

Part of the challenge here is educating children about healthy interactions, noted Ley.

Most formal sex education in the United States only starts in high school, but many nations begin teaching children about it at an earlier age. Ley said the effects of this early exposure are indisputable. In the Netherlands, where the fundamentals of sex education begin between the ages of 4 and 6, there are lower rates of teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and sexual assault.

“We have this idea and the conviction that if you don’t talk about something, it won’t happen”, he said. “The reality is that not talking about it leads kids to unhappy lessons.”

Author Peggy Orenstein agrees with the comments. Over the past 15 years, she has written six books about youth, sexuality and sex, and has interviewed hundreds of preteens and teens. In conversations, the author said she learned that they are picking up loose messages from a variety of media.

“It’s critical to talk to young people about a sexuality that is legal, ethical and good,” said Orenstein. “The values ​​of male sexual prerogative, female submission and availability, and female performance for male pleasure prevail in today’s world. It’s not just pornography (where kids see these values). It’s easy to be alarmed by many of the things young people are watching.”

sex as human connection

Many experts say the best way for parents to talk to children about human sexuality is to discuss it as a celebration of the human condition and how people can connect on deeper, more meaningful levels.

This also makes it extremely important to recognize different sexual identities.

Aredvi Azad, co-executive director(e) of The Heal Project, a non-profit organization that teaches children about healthy living, noted that any modern conversation about sex, sexuality and gender must extend beyond the heteronormative and cisgender relationships described in most of the conventional pornography.

“If we don’t talk about sex more broadly, we will unwittingly create a situation where children who don’t have interests in what is considered normal can easily fall into a spiral of shame. We need to help children understand all aspects of sexual and gender identity, and that asexuality also exists,” explained Azad, who identifies as a fluid gender person and uses neutral pronouns.

For adults only

It’s also important to note that pornography isn’t always considered bad.

A recent article by renowned sex educator Cindy Gallop pointed out that pornography can be innovative, creative and even downright feminist if done with a focus on a woman’s comfort and desires.

Chelsea Kurnick, a LGBTQIA+ rights advocate and community organizer in Sonoma County, California, agrees. Kurnick said there is a lot of pornography outside the mainstream that is “beautiful and instructive and can be exciting for adults to watch.”

In many cases, “queer and trans people, fat and disabled” can gain useful knowledge of pornography that is done by and for them, Kurnick said. She added that this material is strictly for adults.

“It’s totally true that there are often unrealistic expectations created by pornography and that you can find things violent or disturbing online,” he said. “It’s also important to remember that pornography isn’t made for 11-year-olds, it can be healthy for adults to see, and it’s something real people do for a living.”

what parents can do

The best way for parents to respond to their children’s natural curiosity about pornography is to be proactive and supportive in the process of discussing it with their children.

As sex educator Gallop wrote in her recent article, this means that parents must commit to talking to their children about sex frankly and directly.

Orenstein said conversations should focus on the notion that all people are worthy of honor and respect.

To achieve these goals, parents must strive to create an atmosphere early on where children do not feel or experience shame for expressing curiosities as they develop, according to Jennifer Kelman, therapist and clinical social worker in Boca Raton, Florida .

Parents must also commit to parenting with positivity, answering almost every question children ask, Kelman said, even if the answers simply state that the children aren’t yet old enough to get more information to satisfy their curiosity.

“Parents need to be open about the possibility of (children) being exposed (to pornography) and validate their natural curiosity about it, while allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings about sexual intimacy,” Kelman said. . “There’s no shame in growing up and being curious, so (parents should) talk to kids about true love and the harm pornography can do.”

This content was originally created in English.

original version

Reference: CNN Brasil

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