Being single and suffering from anuptaphobia: the signs of “Bridget Jones syndrome”

It strikes more women than men, generally between the ages of 30 and 40. The term anuptaphobia indicates a pathological fear of being alone that leads to the spasmodic search for a partner. The causes of this psychological disorder, also known as “Bridget Jones Syndrome”, can be many, but one of the most frequent is inherent in a cultural heritage: Society at that age expects a woman to find a partner and start a family.

According to the latest Istat survey, singles in Italy today are the 33.2% of the population and exceed households, equal to 31.2%. However, only for a third of Italians being single is really a choice: according to what the 35th Eurispes Italy Report, over 60% of singles state that they are conditioned by other factors, first and foremost stress and job insecurity.

This choice to be single “is, in more and more cases, the result of a spasmodic search for the perfect partner which promptly results in nothing done, because it is impossible”, says Maria Cristina Gori, neurologist and psychotherapist, speaker of a new course of training created for Consulcesi entitled «Anuptaphobia: the fear of being alone», as reported AdnKronos.

Furthermore, as the expert adds, “the economic crisis, natural disasters, the pandemic, wars and the climate crisis are putting our psychic balance to the test, fueling more and more people with states of anxiety, depression”, as well as to «fears in many respects still greatly underestimated such as that of loneliness, death and illness. Thus we tend to find refuge and consolation in the romantic relationship, or rather in the spasmodic search for it, ending up moving from one relationship to another without ever really feeling ‘whole’, as the story of the ‘half apple’ erroneously teaches us”. .

6 signs that you suffer from anuptaphobia

There are six signs to keep an eye on to assess whether you are unknowingly experiencing this form of phobia.

Even if you are recovering from a broken relationship, the focus is on finding a replacement partner rather than allowing yourself to truly heal and recover from the trauma. This does not allow analyzing possible errors or omissions and above all prevents one from “tasting” the condition of solitude, with its pros and cons.

In a certain sense, one is satisfied with the first one that happens, in order not to remain single. And if someone points out that the new person is not doing well, he is contradicted, asserting that he simply does not want to make people happy, rather than face reality.

You realize it’s not right to accept dishonesty, infidelity, or an emotionally unavailable partner, but you’re too afraid to leave the relationship. Better to tolerate toxic behavior than being single.

Completely cutting ties with old flames is out of the question, not because you want to establish a beautiful friendship with them, but because in case you remain single with no prospects, having them as a filler reassures you.

Whenever you feel seriously involved with someone, you lose your sense of self. You change ideals, patterns, tastes, values ​​to comply and imitate the person you’re with: suddenly you find yourself eating foods you don’t like, watching TV programs you don’t like or dressing a certain way just to please. Which can be there, but not to the point of nullifying oneself for the other: if the partner likes one for who one is, this too radical change could lead to the consequence that one fears most, namely the breakup, therefore the return to the state of singleness.

Often during the first dates they take “extreme” attitudes, such as talking too much, asking too personal questions (such as, for example, wishes for children?) or ignoring the other’s physical boundaries. This is due to the fact that all of this phase of getting to know each other is considered useless and you just want to go directly to making the relationship official.